INSOMNIA (deeply awake)

Chills run through my spine as the Early hours of today stare into mine..
My heart won't stop racing as the cold breeze passes through the window and peeks to see if I'm awake..

The thoughts in my head won't let me be..the mistakes I made haunts me for solutions.
Words I said to you in anger loops in my head..hate in my heart grips me by the lung..

They won't stop..no they don't..
And You dare not to act like they're not there else they'll eat you up faster than nano mites.
Somehow I have to stay up to stay sane..
That seems to be the only time to think of YOU..IT..THEM..and come up with a HOW..WHEN..WHERE..

I had a friend once..she died right in front of me..
Now I try to sleep hoping to meet her in it..I'm still waiting even as I write you.
And for some reason I keep blinking and hoping to fall asleep.
Nah..it just doesn't happen..

And So tonight just like every other night I lie in wait..
Countless number of times do I roll in my bed hoping to fall.
Its 2am..and at this point sleep is still scarce..in the blackness of the night the smoke leans towards  me saying "sleep isn't coming tonight..but I can help knock you out into the next 4..5..6months"...everything is suddenly cold as blood seems to stop pumping..

I'm scared out of my mind..I think I've been nailed to my bed..I'm still concious..I think..
Now another darker smoke leans towards me...rests on my body and says "I can make you sleep..for a very long time you will sleep..you get to see her again if you want to..but I can't assure you of the morning sun I warn you"
DEATH!!..I yell inside like I'm about to explode.."Where have you been?!" I ask in excitement..

I need to leave this place..I don't want to come back.
"You can make me sleep you say?!"
...I wait for an answer..but all I get is this load taken away from my body..I still feel very heavy..a whole lot heavier.
I slowly turn to my alarm which reads 3:11am..my lids grows heavier with every blink..
I see her in the distance..she doesn't see me..how do I make her see?!..
"You didn't change one bit" I say to myself..
"I miss you so much"..she do not hear me..
So I walk up to her to say hi..
But this noise..its so deafening..banging in my head like a conga with every sound...it won't let me any closer as I clasp my hands around my ears..
And In the hurt I blink once..blink twice..and I'm staring at the ceiling..

The noise is driving me out of sanity..
I turn and reach for the alarm..
Ah!..that's much better." I think to my half awake self as the sun rays pierces its way through my windows and into my skin.

Did i even sleep?